Let's Try This Fitness Thing Again//Two Year Life Plan

So back in December, I entered the world of fitness blogs on tumblr (fitblrs). I fell headfirst into pictures of slim and toned bodies, yummy meals, and self love. By January, I had started working out nearly daily and trying to fix my eating habits. But it only lasted for about a month; my motivation slowly dwindled, and eventually I stopped altogether and went back to my old ways. While I was working out, I had lost about fifteen pounds, but after stopping, I gained it all back, plus the occasional extra few pounds, depending on the day.

I've always had issues with my weight, even though looking back, I was perfectly fine when I was younger, just not thin. I've never been thin. I got made fun of in elementary school, but I didn't think much of it. I was always aware I had extra weight. But it wasn't until a car trip where I was stuffing myself with candy where I looked down at my thighs when I thought to myself "Oh...I'm fat, aren't I?" Of course, I didn't do anything to remedy my problem, only covered myself up more. I remember in high school hating my body, but what I wouldn't give to be that size again.

In the past few years, these issues with my weight and my relationship with food has gotten worse. I've gained a lot of weight due to stress, depression, and an unhealthy relationship with food. Food has always been a comfort thing, or a boredom thing, and living on my own in a dorm only reinforced bad eating habits. I had my periods where I would try to eat healthier or exercise a bit, but I never really committed to anything.

In January, I felt like I was committed to finally changing my life, and I was, but...I don't know, I had the motivation, but not the drive to stay constant. Of course, I was upset about it, but I was getting more and more depressed, so half of me didn't really care. The other half of me was trying to accept myself as I was. I still am. I think everyone should love themselves just as they are. But I also believe that if you're unhappy, make a change, and I am unhappy. I am not the shape I want to be. I am not at the size I want to be. I can't fit into the clothes I want. I am uncomfortable in my body. But more importantly, I'm not healthy the way I am. I eat poorly. I sleep poorly. I don't get enough exercise. I'm not strong. I am not the me I want to be. I want to be a smaller, stronger me. For no one else but me.

I don't know if this time will be "the time." I don't know if I will get to my goal weight. I don't even know what my goal weight is. But I'm going to try. I've been really depressed lately, and feeling like I can't do anything. I haven't been motivated to do anything at all. But I want to do something. I want to achieve something. I don't want to be unhappy with myself anymore. I have to change the way I think - where I feel like everything that isn't a major success is a failure. I have to change my eating habits. I have to change how very impatient I am. I have to change how I plan and organize my life (life planning is nonexistent at the moment).

While I am in this period of not doing much, little things are a success. One of these successes was writing out a life plan of sorts in my fancy purple paper notebook. I'm going to constantly be adding little goals to it and taping it to my wall right behind where my computer is so I can always see it and be motivated. This is a list of goals from now, July 2014, until sometime in 2016.

Work on comics

Get comics out there

Get commissioned

Sell art at MTAC 2015

Go to AWA 2014

Cosplay at Colossalcon 2015

Lose weight

Get strong

Live healthy

Do more art

Get a new job

Always have money

Go back to school

Become comfortable driving

Record an UTAU voicebank

Keep up with penpals

Maintain cleanliness

Plan things out

Get things done on time

Get over fear of failure

I am really excited for the changes I am going to enact. I know they will take time and won't be easy. But I'm going to try. I'm going to try as hard as I can. I'm tired of being complacent, lazy, and not the Bunny I want to be. 

Watch me grow. Watch me turn into a magical girl who can do anything. Watch me become strong, lean, and healthy. 

Weight Loss for the Beginner

This is me in 12th grade. This is the weight I wish to return to!!

As I said in my last entry, I am on a journey to lose some weight. I'm not going to say how much I weigh or how much I want to lose, but I want to do so in a healthy way. So here's a list of tips for getting started/staying on track, some workouts that I enjoy doing, and some useful apps!

I think one of the biggest things that has helped me keep fitness and weight loss in my mind no matter what state I'm in is tumblr. Tumblr has a huge community of bloggers called "fitblrs" who are kind, post resources, and encourage one another. I follow quite a few, so whenever I'm on tumblr, I always see motivational posts, healthy foods, and so on. But why stop there - make a fitblr of your own! I have one which can be found here. Like many others, I post my progress, whether it be my daily workouts, my intake, progress pictures, or sometimes I just reblog motivational content from others! It's also a great way to have others keep you in check. 

Another great way to have others keep you in check is to tell people about your workout and weight loss plans. You're more likely to follow through with something if you tell others. It's also great to have a workout buddy! Someone who may be feeling the same things you feel, who you can motivate and can motivate you. While working out alone can be nice, it's always fun to have someone to talk to!

As for actually motivating yourself, it can be hard. Sometimes I want nothing more then to just skip the workout and lay in bed until noon…but that's not good for you, is it? Put on those workout clothes. Get yourself pumped up with your favorite high energy music. And just…do it! Trust me, the feeling you get afterwards is phenomenal. You'll have much more energy throughout the day as well!

They say that working out is only thirty percent of the weight loss equation - and the other seventy percent is your diet. Don't expect to just throw away all your junk food and sweets and you'll never eat unhealthy again. It's okay to have a treat every now in then, but like everything, moderation. And of course if you have a craving, go ahead and feed it. It is good, however, to really look at what you're eating and drinking, and cut out constant Starbucks trips, full-calorie soda, and boredom eating. I like to keep a food diary to really see what I'm eating and when. And of course - water!! Drinking loads of water every day can help you shed excess weight really quickly.

Counting calories is something that some people swear by, and others swear off. I think counting calories can be good in the beginning, when you're taking a hard look at how much or little you eat. But getting obsessive over it can be dangerous and make you miserable! I think once you know what your body needs and how to eat in a healthier way then you currently do, you can ease up or cut out the calorie counting.

Along with counting the calories I consume, I also count the calories I burn! Later on when I talk about apps I use, I'l talk about an app that can try and estimate how much you've burned doing what depending on what information you give it. But an estimate can be way off. The solution - a heart rate monitor! I have the Polar TF4 (in pink, of course) and I love it! It's important to know how many calories you burn so you can eat enough during the day!

I also want to talk about scales. Do not weight yourself every day. Do not weight yourself more then once a day. Got that? Only weigh yourself in the morning, once a week at most. Why? Your weight will fluctuate from day to day, from hour to hour, and it's really easy to get down on yourself if that number suddenly goes up. Your weight also doesn't determine your size, anyways, so if you want to keep a more accurate track of loss and gains, measure your neck, bust, waist, hips, etc. Also, that number on the scale? It's just a number. It does not define you. It doesn't measure your self worth, your awesomeness, or anything else. Please, please, please do not get obsessed with a worthless number and hurt your body by restricting your food.

Weight loss is a winding, twisty journey and you might not always see the results you want when you want. But keep going, maybe change a few things here and there, and eventually you'll see progress. But if at any time, your progress is making you feel depressed and worthless, or you find yourself doing harmful things such as skipping meals, restricting or purging, or even constantly binge eating, please get help. Eating disorders are serious.

I don't have a gym membership (yet!) nor does my apartment complex have a gym that I can use. So, I have to do workouts at home, which is perfectly fine! My workout buddy, however, has a gym at his apartment, so I'll talk about beginner gym experiences/exercises last in this section. 

Firstly, I recommend the tumblr fitblr community again. They have many resource posts full of workouts to do at home for all skill levels, all focuses…and some even say you can find some posts floating around with links to watch or download popular workout DVDs, but you didn't hear that from me. 

There are many YouTubers who have channels wholes devoted to fitness, whether it be showing you how to do the basics, full routines, or even dance exercises! I wholly recommend a website/YouTube channel called "Blogilates." Cassey Ho, creator of pop pilates, has hundreds of videos that are all upbeat and fun as well as  good for any skill level. On her website, she has monthly workout calendars, a beginner calendar, recipes, and more! The calendars have different videos to do almost every day, which is perfect for people like me who get bored easily. 

If you have a bit of money to spend on workout DVDs, I highly recommend Zumba! Zumba is great for people of all workout levels and all sizes. Zumba is, essentially, dancing. The dance moves are made to target specific areas of the body and burn calories, all while having fun! There are tons of Zumba videos so you can have a variety of dances to choose from. There are also Zumba games on Playstation, XBox, and Wii! 

Now, if you do have access to a gym - great! Do not be intimidated of the gym. Everyone there is there (or they should be) because they want to lose weight, get fit, or maintain. Only jerks judge others at the gym, and jerks are no one to pay attention to. When you go to the gym for the first time, you're probably going to be a little confused by all the machinery! Don't ever be afraid to ask what something does or how to use it. It's always good to put cardio in your routine when you're going for weight loss, be it a walk (or run!) on the treadmill, using the elliptical, or even just using the stationary bike. But don't completely neglect strength training as well! While it shouldn't be your main focus until later in your weight loss journey, you should start building up a bit of strength and start toning and shaping. 

Of course, this is all just what I like to do, or what I can do. I'd love to start running, but when I'm off from work it's starting to get dark, as well as the fact that I also have asthma so running is hard for me now (but I'll talk more about this in a moment). But if you can or like running? Do it! Like swimming? Do it! No two people lose weight the same, so why should they work out in exactly the same way either? Find what works for you and what makes you happy.

Finally, I'd like to talk about a few apps for smart phones that can be really useful (no, I won't mention tumblr again, haha).

Myfitnesspal (free on Apple and Android) is a very popular calorie and weight tracker, and has a community that can be very helpful and encouraging. You input your stats, your daily calorie input and output and weight, etc. There are a few problems with this application, however. As I said before, calorie counting can become addictive and dangerous and as such this app might not be for everyone. The app also has a tendency to tell people they need to eat fewer calories for their body type and lifestyle then the really do. But I love this app as a food diary on the go.

Carbodroid (free on android) is a very simple app that reminds you to drink enough water daily by filling a cute robot with every glass you drink! It also gives you reminders to drink water. This app is unfortunately not on Apple phones, but I've recently found an equally cute substitute. Plant Nanny (free on Apple) is essentially the same thing with a few tweaks. You choose a plant to grow, and with each glass of water, you water your plant. This app also gives you reminders. 

C25K (free and paid on Apple and Android) or Couch to 5K is a great way for anyone, no matter their skill level to start running! Unfortunately I haven't been able to use this app yet, but I've heard great things about it, and I can't wait to be able to try it out. 

Well, that was my workout post! I hope you enjoyed it and it was at least a little useful to someone! 

Lolita Fashion and the Plus-Sized Girl

Classy bathroom shot? Sure, why not.

In ninth grade, I was in art class when I saw my friend pull out some interesting pictures to use as reference. They were very beautiful people dressed in all black upon a red backdrop, staring at the camera vaguely. I was told that they were members of a Japanese visual rock band called Malice Mizer, and I was also told that the one I assumed to be a girl was in fact a guy. This really intrigued me, so I decided to look them up. The one who dressed in women's clothing, Mana, had his own clothing line of very elegant, yet frilled clothing. I came to find that this style was called "elegant gothic lolita" and was one of many variations of the Japanese street fashion called lolita.

I loved the style since then, though now my likes are more towards sweet and classic rather then gothic. In my first year of college I finally got my own lolita clothes. They were cheap, I didn't have a petticoat or proper accessories, and they didn't really suit me, but I was happy. Since then, and after many fashion mistakes, I feel I've grown in the style. I actually don't really consider myself to have been a lolita until the beginning of 2013. Before then, I was just slapping clothes together, but now I actually do try to put together a cohesive coordinate. I know I'm far from perfect, but that's besides the point.

My love for lolita has waxed and waned over the years. Sometimes I'll stalk the sale communities every day and think of when the next opportunity to get frilly is. Other times I'll pass by the pictures I see on my tumblr dashboard without giving them a thought. Right now? I'm somewhere in the middle. I'm trying to be an adult and control myself. Because when I get too into lolita, sometimes I end up spending money I don't have just yet x_x So I'm occasionally seeing what's for sale, but reminding myself I can always find it later and I don't need it right right now.

There's another reason I'm waiting to make any purchases besides the fact that I just spent the last of my paycheck. I am a bigger girl. Plus size, if you will. And lolita, being a Japanese fashion, does not always cater to girls and guys my size. There are many work-arounds to this, of course. You can always make your own clothes, but my skills are only sub-par. There are indie brands that make clothes in custom sizes, which is an option I look forward to exploring soon. Brand pieces could be altered, which I don't dare do myself, aside from the minor change. And then there are brands that have some pieces that will fit a wider variety of sizes.

But what about the pieces that aren't made for bigger sizes? My favorite brand, Angelic Pretty, has loads of cute dresses I want to wear - including my dream dress, Dream Doll - only fit a very small range of measurements. Well, it depends on what you yourself decide to do. Some buy replicas. Some just shrug and love the plus-size friendly pieces. And then others decide to change themselves.

Let me start by saying this - I'm not losing weight for the sole purpose of fitting into a certain style of clothing. I've had body image issues my whole life, but right now, I am the heaviest I have ever been. And I hate it. So, when you don't like something, you change it. I'm tired of hating my body and not fitting into my older clothing. I'm tired of feeling like I have no energy and tired of not being able to shop in some of my favorite stores. 

I've been on and off a weight loss journey since mid-january, though unfortunately more off then on. As most people are, I was very motivated at first, but then that started to dwindle away. A few weeks ago I was back in a gym every day, but now I've started a new job and my gym buddy is busy on his final project, so the gym has been pushed to the back of our minds. 

But now that I'm working at this new, physically demanding job and have a schedule again, I can start anew! Also my friend should be done with his final project soon, so we'll be able to go back to his gym again before too long. I'm very excited to see what changes my body undergoes. I'm excited to feel the highs of working out. And I'm excited to be able to fit not only my old clothing, but new clothing such as new lolita items!! 

I will admit, it sometimes makes me sad that I cannot fit into certain items I love.

However, this is just me. If you're happy with the size you're at - don't change a thing! There are loads of other workarounds as I said if you're a bigger person, and even some if you're much smaller as well! This is just what I feel I want to do. 

My next entry will probably be all about working out, websites and apps I find useful, and any tips and tricks for starting out! If you have anything you would like me to address, please just let me know! I know this entry was a little…pointless, ehehe, but fun to write nonetheless.