Today I am 26

Hello! It’s my birthday! We came back from our Disney World honeymoon yesterday and it was wonderful! …but I’m quite sick now, haha. I’ll definitely be vlogging about my trip and such later this week, but for now I’ll just be writing a bit about last year and what I would like for the future. 

When I turned 25, I said, “I have been alive for a quarter of a century and I want to really live my life now.” Or something to that effect. And now, my 25th year is through and I don’t have much to show for it. A little more then last year, but not that much progress, I guess. If you have read other entries in my blog, you might realize that in the past few years, this has become a common theme. I make plans and say I want to change myself, and then I don’t, and I feel sad.

I think I really haven’t known myself lately. I know me from the past, and I know the me I want to be, but I don’t focus on the me in the present at all. It’s always “what can I do to become X” or “how can I get back to Y.” I feel that I know who I am now, though. I am told I am impatient, that I worry too much, that I talk badly about myself too much, and I reply, “I know.” I undertand that I am depressed, that I am overweight, that I am not where I want to be. But I guess I kind of…look past it. There is a straight line between past me and the me I want to be, but when I put my current self into the equation, it gets messed up and I’m like, “what went wrong? how can I now get to where I want to be?” I don’t accept who I am now, I see it as something went wrong and it’s bad and now I need to fix it.

Of course, that’s not to say I shouldn’t want to change and improve. Even if I were living my “dream life” I would still want to better myself. But I shouldn’t see myself as I am now as “bad” or “wrong” just because I went off the path I vaguely had planned. I am here, and I have to accept that, and make a plan from where I am now, not from where I was. 

I am 26 now. I say this every birthday, but I want to make this year the best year of my life and make lots of steps towards something great. These are the things I would like to work towards this year:

HAPPINESS. Overall, this is most important. I feel like I have been a bit better with stopping negative self talk and removing myself from upsetting people or things, but of course I have a long way to go.

MONEY. We are moving in about a month to another apartment. We’re going to stay there for about a year, and while we’re there we’ll be saving for a house~! So I need to find a good job so I can save up! But, I also need to find a job with a schedule that will cooperate with…

CAREER. While I want comics to be the thing I do in life, I undertand that this could just be a hobby forever, and not a source of income, and that’s fine. But I’d like to have a specific field or specialty that I can work in for sure. When trying to figure out what to do in life, many people say you should look at what you wanted to be as a child. I wanted to be a Sailor Senshi, so tht doesn’t really work. But another thing was…something medical. Not a doctor or nurse, but something more behind the scenes. My parents have both worked in many medical settings, and when I was little my favorite thing was going to my mom’s work before school, where she worked as a pharmacy tech in a hospital. So, I’ve decided that’s what I would like to aim for! I’m not sure exactly when this will start, it depends on the school I’ll be getting my certificate from. But, I am excited!!

ART. I feel like lately I have been drawing more then I had been (which was very little), so I am happy. But I’m still not confident enough to post most of it online anymore, and I feel I’ve been very stagnant in my improvement. Lately I’ve been forcing myself to practice drawing things I wouldn’t normally draw or styles I don’t feel comfortable drawing in and I think it’s been helping! I’d love to keep it up!

HEALTH. I feel like now more then ever I am very ready to make changes and stick to them. This includes eating much better and controlling my portions, and being active much more often. This time around, I would like to enjoy the journey, instead of focusing on a goal I have not yet achieved.

DO MORE. I guess this is the “etc.” category. I would like to be more social, online and off. Do more vlogs and blogs. Watch more movies and shows. Play more games. And so on. I would like to feel like I have done things. 

And, I suppose that’s it! I’m sure I will think of more things, but these are what come to mind first. I can’t wait to see what this year of my life brings! 

May Updates!

We took a walk the other day~

Hey! Hi! Hello! Let’s try this blogging thing again-again! I guess instead of a long written out thing I just have some bullet points for now.

I have been married for over a month now. Um…nothing new to report there, I guess! Our wedding and reception were very nice and fun! But aside from that, nothing has really changed since we had already been living together, haha. But of course, we are happy.

We also went to our local Jazz Fest!

In a week, we are going on our honeymoon to Walt Disney World! I love Disney World so much but I guess I don’t show it very often, or I don’t really have the chance to. This is the first time I’ll be on a plane without my parents, and the first time my husband and I will be on a trip alone (well, as alone as one can get at Disney). Surprisingly, this makes me feel more like an adult then paying taxes or anything like that.

After we get back, I turn 26! Ah! 26 sounds older. Not older like, you know….older…but, older as in, definitely not a teen or young adult. Just adult. Since my birthday is literally right after we get back, I don’t have any plans aside from eating with my dad. But that’s nice too!

An adult.

A bit after that, we are moving. The apartment complex we live at now was wonderful at first, but now they don’t care about the people who live here at all. I cannot rant about how frustrating this is enough, so expect a blog or video about this in a month or so, haha. We’re not moving anywhere special, just another apartment. But we’re planning to only stay there a year, and while we are staying there we will be saving up money so we can move into an actual house~!

And that is what I have in my future for the next few months. I have some bigger goals I would like to dive into in this year, but I need to figure out the steps I need to take to get there. I’ll probably talk about these in one of the next upcoming posts. 

Until then, here is a vlog I made recently about my favorite things in the month of April!

Have a nice day~!

San Francisco, My Future, and the Blog's Future

So it's been...a while, hasn't it! In all honesty, I was planning to stop using this blog and just make YouYube videos instead. But now, I'm not so sure anymore. I don't feel like making videos and updating my channel anymore, suddenly. I don't really know what I want to do. I'm not even sure if I want to use this blog anymore. I guess I'm going through a Melty Bunny identity crisis! I do have a vlog coming up tomorrow, though.

Enough about that, however! The past is the past and the present is a little uncertain but that's okay.

Last weekend, I was fortunate enough to take a trip to San Francisco with my mom! I've been before and I loved it, and this time we went as part of a tour group so we got to see and do a lot of things we didn't the first time.

One of these things was going to Lucasfilm! From a tourist-y view, maybe going to Lucasfilm wasn't the most exciting thing, as we didn't really do that much. But for me personally...Lucasfilm kind of did something to me. One of the things we did there was watch (in the same theater where the dailies are watched!) a reel of what Lucasfilm, Skywalker Sound, and ILM really does. And it made me remember my time majoring in digital animation. Around this time was when my depression and anxiety really spiked and I was never able to finish the program and graduate. Because of the difficulty I had at that time and because so much time had passed since taking those classes, I just figured I'd never finish with that degree. But sitting in that building, in that theater, watching some of the things that ILM does...it really got me missing digital animation and creating.

And so, I decided that in Fall 2016, I'm going to go back to school to finish my degree in digital animation! I'm super excited!

Another thing going on in my future is...my wedding! While on the plane to San Fran, I asked my mom if...instead of paying for the wedding/reception, she and my dad could pay for my honeymoon! We planned on having a small, small wedding and focus more on the reception, anyways, but when it came to the honeymoon, it was something we figured we may not be able to do for a while because of financial reasons. BUT! After about a week, my parents said YES! And where did we (well...moreso me, haha) want to go? Disney World, of course!! So in Spring, we'll be getting married and going on a fun trip! I can't wait!

What else is new? Not much. I'm searching for a job because I want to save up for a new desktop and some other things. I'm going to start a new workout routine tomorrow, and I also have an interview! We're probably going to be moving in a month or so to a larger apartment in our complex, so that's exciting. I miiiight start seriously working on beginning my webcomic soon.

I might start using this blog regularly again, I'm not very sure. I'd like to have an outlet and either make videos and/or post vlogs, but I guess I'm not really feeling it right now.

Whatever happens, thanks for reading~!

I'm 25! This Year's Goals~

Hello! It's been a while, again, hasn't it? I really have no excuse, hehe... ^_^; This is going to be another more personal entry, too, instead of something more structured and professional. But those sorts of entries will be returning next week!

Today, I'll be talking about what my goals are for this year of my life and my plans for the near future!

Well, I dyed my hair! I know I said that I wasn't going to for a whole year but...that was a silly promise. My hair did grow out a bit longer in the few months I didn't do anything to my hair, but I love being colorful! That was my present to myself, along with some clothes I'll be hauling on my vlog soon!

A few days before my birthday, my parents took me and my fiance out to one of my favorite restaurants for dinner. They gave me my present, which was what I had asked for - clothes money! More clothes to haul in a future video! I also used a bit of it to buy a few bath bombs from Lush!

On my actual birthday, I didn't really do anything at all. I was going to hang out with her bestie, but she had important stuff going on, and my fiance had to work all day. But we at least got burgers :P

This is a cover from a sketchbook I'd like to either do a blog or vlog showing~

So, what did I wish for? To be happy. To change myself. I feel like the whole metamorphosis thing I've been posting about really does describe me better then I thought. When a caterpillar goes into its warm and safe cocoon, it turns into goo, pretty much. And that's how I feel. I am surrounded by love and safety, and I feel like weak, useless goo. But I have the potential to become a big, strong, beautiful butterfly. And I will.

I'm going to Colossalcon this week (which I'll talk about in a bit), but when I return, I'm going to go hard. Eating extremely healthy, working out almost every day. Not just where my health is concerned - I'll also be working hard on comics, prints, stickers, et cetera. And I'm going to do these things because they are good for me and they make me happy. 

As I said, I'll be attending Colossalcon this weekend! Not only is it the farthest I've gone for a convention, but it'll be the biggest one I've ever been to! I'll try to take lots of pictures!

After that, I'll be making some posts on here such as monthly favorites, a review of my friend's Etsy shop, and more! I hope you're looking forward to it!

My Week + April Favorites Video!!

Shot from an OOTD video I filmed~

So I decided to do kind of an Instagram roundup/my week type post! I'm also trying to find the balance between making blog and vlog posts. It seems like when I make lots of one, I neglect making any of the other. I'm going to try getting myself on an actual schedule for making blog posts and videos. For now, I'm going to get back into the blogging swing of things with a simple post, but my next post is going to be my internet purchases post!

Here's a preview of said post - my amazing smiley bag from Aliexpress! I can't wait to take lots of pictures of it and talk all about how amazing it is!!

So this week I've had lots and lots and lots of migraines, practically back to back. I think it's just seasonal allergy type migraines, but I've never experienced this before. However, I've wanted to get dressed up and film a lot this week, so I have! My bestie bought a few things for me, and I wanted to show them off! Also, I've loved playing with my hair; it's finally at the length where I can DO things with it again! 

As I said, I want to find a balance between blogging and vlogging, but I'm really, really into vlogging right now. I don't know why, I've just been having so much fun and getting some very nice comments, and I've also been finding some really nice people to follow (mostly plus size vloggers)!

When I haven't been vlogging or laying down trying to alleviate my headaches, I've been playing loads of Animal Crossing New Leaf! I've been earning loads and loads of bells to get Gracie's Princess series of furniture, as well as her nice clothing items! When I'm not playing Animal Crossing, I'm also playing Pokemon Rumble and Pokemon Shuffle! 

I've also discovered how amazing Tsum Tsum is - both the actual plushies and the app! I love playing the game so much, it's much too addicting, and it's only making me realize how cute everyone is and I want to buy them all! 

I guess mostly, though, I've been just trying to unwind and hope that I feel better. I have a lot of things I want/need to get to and not being able to look at light/stand noises isn't very productive. I feel like I'm being lazy! I took a long bath with a candle and bath fizzy the other night to try and feel better and I think it really helped! I did have to skip out on something today because of the migraines, but I feel like they're coming less frequently.

And today, I also felt just really...body lovin'. Like, I actually LIKED my body. I've always had problems liking my body, especially my areas that carry the most weight, but today I actually felt allover cute! I know that liking and loving yourself can be hard, but it's a wonderful feeling to have, even if it's fleeting. I hope that you give yourself a hug and a smile today, okay?

Lastly, here's my April Favorites video! I hope you enjoy, and have a great day!!

March 2015 Favorites!!

I haven't done a favorites post in a while! I actually filmed this as a vlog as well and I'll be uploading it later tomorrow, so head over to my YouTube channel if you want to check that out! Let's get started~

Priceless.

My first favorite isn't an item at all - it's happiness! As I've mentioned before, I suffer with depression and anxiety as well as a few other mental funtime issues. But lately I've just been like, "No. No more of that." Of course, my issues haven't gone away, but lately I've just been really, really happy and getting a lot of things done and overall just feeling better about things. I still have a long way to go, but I feel like I'm starting to actually move again.

Pro Longwear Foundation: $32 // Pro Longwear Powder: ~$30??

I really only have two makeup favorites this month, and they're both from MAC! I've never had a high-end foundation, only drugstore ones, and I decided since foundation really was a base for everything I should try a high-end one. I believe my shade is NW15? Or NC...? NW sounds right, but it definitely is 15 (one of the lightest shades). It goes on so smooth and light and I fee it really does look so much better and offers great coverage without being heavy. I highly recommend it, even though it is pricy. I do feel that you don't use as much, as well.

bunny necklace: $12

This next favorite is actually a present from my best friend in the UK, Ashley! Along with a bunny patch and some heart earrings, she sent me this "bunny" necklace in pink! It obviously perfect for me since I am Bunny. It's pretty big and reflective and just overall wonderful.

Daisy Choker: $10?

I'm not sure of the prices of the last three jewelry items because they were gifts from bestie Miraiina, so I'm going to have to estimate. Also, this isn't even a picture of the choker I have because I couldn't find a picture of it on Claire's' website, so picture the black wiring as clear and the colored flowers as white daisies. I love the 90s so I love these chokers that everyone now has again. But this one has my third favorite flower on in!

Cherry Earrings: $8?

Even though I only have one hole open right now, I love earrings, especially dangling ones. I also really love cherries!! Not eating them, of course, I hate the taste. But I love the way cherries look, they're adorable! These earrings from Claire's aren't too big but big and pink enough to be noticeable.

Fake Septum: $14?

Hey look, not only is it a fake septum, but a hint of the daisy choker, bunny necklace, and cherry earrings! Either way, this fake septum ring from Claire's is also surprisingly comfortable and sturdy. It does take a bit to get used to the feeling of something dangling out of your nose, but I think it looks very cute. Also, I don't think I would ever get my septum pierced for real, so this fake jewelry is perfect!

Etrian Odyssey Untold: The Millenium Girl: $40

Next are three games for the Nintendo 3DS! Firstly is a very cute RPG that I actually got half off while Atlus was doing their half-off sale (or are they still doing it?). It's honestly a bit difficult and very time consuming, but it's a very reasonable difficulty that makes the game more realistic. If you've never played an Etrian Odyssey game, I highly recommend this one!

Fairune: $3

Fairune is a retro-not-retro RPG avaliable on the eshop for a very reasonable price. This game mimics an older RPG, and as such, at times there may not really be clear objectives. But you have never played an older, harder RPG this one is a good jump into the genre. Fairune is also very cute! Actually, all the games that are on my favorites this month are cute.

Legend of Dark Witch: $4

Also available on the Nintendo eshop is Legend of Dark Witch, a cute (see?) platformer that reminds me a lot of Megaman. I don't have much to say about this one as it is really just a basic platformer, but I recommend it as well!

Go! Princess Precure is the newest in the Precure series and is currently coming out in Japan. I've watched a few episodes of the original Precure, but just never got around to finishing it. I've been wanting to jump back in with one of the newest series, and to be honest it was the "princess" in the title of this anime that drew me in! The theme of this series is not only princesses, but dreams and happiness, which is something I can obviously get behind. It's very adorable and the fighting sequences are surprisingly well choreographed! 

Priceless as well (Or, $15)

Last favorite is a gift from my fiance, a Birdo plushie! We got this from a local video game store, so I can't really say where you could get one for sure local to you. They also had a lot of the Koopalings and some other enemies. This plushie isn't very big, but I love Birdo, so I don't care and love to cuddle with it.

That's it for this month! (And if you were wondering, an UNfavorite for this month would happen to be Starbuck's Smores Frappucinno Iced Drink Bottle thing! So gross!)

I actually uploaded my favorites vlog ahead of time, so go ahead and watch if you want to actually see these items~!

Metamorphosis Part II

This is my OOTD, by the way~

It's been a while, again. Gosh I'm bad at this updating regularly thing! Any way, this post is another personal talky post, so I'm sorry if you don't like that sort of thing ;c

In my last entry, I talked about the things I had and had not accomplished in 2014, and what I hoped to do in the future. Sounds good, right? ...well, it would be if I actually DID something.

My depression and anxiety have been pretty steadily bad since then. I haven't done much of anything. And that's not a fun way to live. I've been very frustrated at myself for weeks and keep aiming to change my ways. But I haven't DONE ANYTHING. I've made lists. I've practiced self care to ease the voices of my mental illnesses. But sometimes, the best self care is kicking yourself out of bed and doing things. And that's what I've decided to do - and have been for the past three days.

I think the catalyst to propel me forward in this is a realization. For almost four years, I've been gaining weight pretty quickly, and it's to the point that it's not only affecting me mentally but harming my physically. I've tried dieting, working out, even starving myself. Yet for some odd reason it never really made a big impact. I even had a thyroid test done, but that wasn't the issue. And then a few days ago, browsing through healthy progress blogs on tumblr, I realize...oh, I have a huge problem with binge eating, don't I? 

And I do. I don't want to think that I have a problem, but I do. I haven't yet discovered what my "triggers" are but I'm working on it. I think it was a little hard to admit because I feel like I have so little control on my life as is, I thought maybe I had control of the thing you need to do every day to stay alive. But there's nothing wrong with having a problem as long as you realize it and try to work on it. 

So, three days ago, I decided to shift my life. It was time to change. Not just my poor eating, but everything. And so far, so good! I've been tracking what I eat more closely, eating slowly, and listening to my body. I've applied for at least ten jobs so far. I haven't really put out any art but I've at least been sketching every day. I've remembered to take my meds and do other healthy little things. I haven't started working out yet because my sleep has been so poor and all over the place, but hopefully Thursday I can start. I also haven't started doing my mass cleaning/getting rid of things project for the same reason, but I'm excited (albeit a bit overwhelmed) to start this! I've also planned to do a lot more and a lot better job of saving money. 

So that's what's been going on. I haven't really "accomplished" much yet, but already I just feel so much better and happier. Hope you all are doing well and are happy and doing what you want!

Let's Try This Fitness Thing Again//Two Year Life Plan

So back in December, I entered the world of fitness blogs on tumblr (fitblrs). I fell headfirst into pictures of slim and toned bodies, yummy meals, and self love. By January, I had started working out nearly daily and trying to fix my eating habits. But it only lasted for about a month; my motivation slowly dwindled, and eventually I stopped altogether and went back to my old ways. While I was working out, I had lost about fifteen pounds, but after stopping, I gained it all back, plus the occasional extra few pounds, depending on the day.

I've always had issues with my weight, even though looking back, I was perfectly fine when I was younger, just not thin. I've never been thin. I got made fun of in elementary school, but I didn't think much of it. I was always aware I had extra weight. But it wasn't until a car trip where I was stuffing myself with candy where I looked down at my thighs when I thought to myself "Oh...I'm fat, aren't I?" Of course, I didn't do anything to remedy my problem, only covered myself up more. I remember in high school hating my body, but what I wouldn't give to be that size again.

In the past few years, these issues with my weight and my relationship with food has gotten worse. I've gained a lot of weight due to stress, depression, and an unhealthy relationship with food. Food has always been a comfort thing, or a boredom thing, and living on my own in a dorm only reinforced bad eating habits. I had my periods where I would try to eat healthier or exercise a bit, but I never really committed to anything.

In January, I felt like I was committed to finally changing my life, and I was, but...I don't know, I had the motivation, but not the drive to stay constant. Of course, I was upset about it, but I was getting more and more depressed, so half of me didn't really care. The other half of me was trying to accept myself as I was. I still am. I think everyone should love themselves just as they are. But I also believe that if you're unhappy, make a change, and I am unhappy. I am not the shape I want to be. I am not at the size I want to be. I can't fit into the clothes I want. I am uncomfortable in my body. But more importantly, I'm not healthy the way I am. I eat poorly. I sleep poorly. I don't get enough exercise. I'm not strong. I am not the me I want to be. I want to be a smaller, stronger me. For no one else but me.

I don't know if this time will be "the time." I don't know if I will get to my goal weight. I don't even know what my goal weight is. But I'm going to try. I've been really depressed lately, and feeling like I can't do anything. I haven't been motivated to do anything at all. But I want to do something. I want to achieve something. I don't want to be unhappy with myself anymore. I have to change the way I think - where I feel like everything that isn't a major success is a failure. I have to change my eating habits. I have to change how very impatient I am. I have to change how I plan and organize my life (life planning is nonexistent at the moment).

While I am in this period of not doing much, little things are a success. One of these successes was writing out a life plan of sorts in my fancy purple paper notebook. I'm going to constantly be adding little goals to it and taping it to my wall right behind where my computer is so I can always see it and be motivated. This is a list of goals from now, July 2014, until sometime in 2016.

Work on comics

Get comics out there

Get commissioned

Sell art at MTAC 2015

Go to AWA 2014

Cosplay at Colossalcon 2015

Lose weight

Get strong

Live healthy

Do more art

Get a new job

Always have money

Go back to school

Become comfortable driving

Record an UTAU voicebank

Keep up with penpals

Maintain cleanliness

Plan things out

Get things done on time

Get over fear of failure

I am really excited for the changes I am going to enact. I know they will take time and won't be easy. But I'm going to try. I'm going to try as hard as I can. I'm tired of being complacent, lazy, and not the Bunny I want to be. 

Watch me grow. Watch me turn into a magical girl who can do anything. Watch me become strong, lean, and healthy. 

24 Years Old! Birthday Haul!

I'm only more then a week late! Haha. I've been busy with cleaning and hanging out ._. Anyways. This is my birthday overview and a haul of what I got. As with all my hauls, I'm not bragging, I just like sharing what I got, and I like watching and reading other people's hauls!

So on my actual birthday, the 28th, I was off work! So I got to sleep in. I got all dressed up and waited...and waited..and eventually headed a few towns over with the fiance to the Cheesecake Factory to meet my parents for dinner! It was really nice, and I always enjoy seeing them, since I get homesick so easily, haha. And, cheesecake. Yum.

After that, my friend Chelsea picked me up and took me to Nashville, to Dave&Busters! For those of you who don't know what it is, it's like an arcade place, where you pay to play all sorts of games, and most of them give out tickets which you can exchange for prizes! Eventually our friend Megan joined us and we played for hours! It was great because I hadn't seen Megan in YEARS.

When it came time to exchange our tickets for prizes, I had quite a few, so I was able to get some nice things...

A cute Domo keychain which I attatched to my purse...

A Pikachu plushie which is GREAT for late night cuddles...

And then this journal! Which has not been written in at all yet.

And, of course, candy!! I got a lot of candy so the fiance could have some, too. Then my friends surprised me by using their tickets to buy me presents!

This cute purple, spiky bracelet and Hello Kitty earbuds!! Thank you~!

After that, Chelsea took me home, where my fiance and presents from my parents were waiting! My big present for the year is...

A red Keurig! Um, ignore the dirty pan x_x As you can see by the empty K-Cups, I've already used it quite a lot. They got me three different kinds of coffee and tea, and the Keurig came with samples...so I have lots of varieties. My favorites so far have been the iced coffees and teas! It's been very useful. Maybe a little too useful, haha.

There was also a plethora of hair and makeup goodies!! Yay! My favorite of these has been the Tarte lip color!

They got me this book, How to Be Like Walt, which is so far very interesting!!

They also got me my favorite peanut butter, because I have an addiction problem...heh.

I feel like I'm leaving something out, but...I don't know what...

And then on Saturday, I had another little party with friends! Two of my friends couldn't make it, but my good friends Erik and Ashley did, and they brought cake and chips and soda and etc! We went out for lunch, coffee, came back and watched the Power Rangers movie, talked lolita with Ashley (I can play dress up with her! I am in a happy place!) and then we just talked and watched other things.

Ashley gave me a really nice gift...

A Hello Kitty tin, four little Hello Kitties, a wallet, some tissues, and a bracelet I wear often! Oh, and CANDY!

All and all, I've had a great birthday and a great couple of days. As I said at the beginning, I'm doing some heavy duty cleaning...in order to renew our lease at the apartment, we have to do a walkthrough, and while I know our level of cleanliness and how much clothes are strewn on the floor probably isn't what they care about, the apartment does need a serious cleaning. Hopefully we can get that done before tomorrow. I just purchased Tomodachi Life, also, so hopefully I won't get too distracted...

And tomorrow is International Lolita day! I'm trying to get together with a few friends, but it may be just me dressing up alone, haha.