June & July (Moving, Job, etc.)

This cat is happy!!

Hey guys, insert generic "it's been a while" statement here! Since my last post, I feel like half a year has gone by, but it's really only been a little over two months. The top part of this post will probably be a bit text heavy with a lot of pictures at the bottom~

Firstly, after we got back it was time to get moving! ...only not, because the apartment we were told we would get approved for we somehow didn't. Still no clue how. Okay. So that was a lot of panic. We had a little over a month before our lease ended at our old place and there were so few vacancies at places we could actually afford. My husband makes a good wage, but because I am now on his insurance, his checks are smaller. I have a whole rant about how unnecessarily stupid apartment and house renting/leasing is that I still need to get out, haha.

But mid June I get a call. A company found my resume on one of the many sites I posted it to and wanted to offer me a position that day! It seemed honestly unreal, so while I was on the phone I was also one-handedly Googling this company to make sure it wasn't a pyramid scheme or a commission type deal. It was legit! So I accepted their offer.

Because I was now hired by this company (being vague for my own safety/paranoia, hah), my husband and I's gross income was now much higher, so we could expand our search for somewhere to live. And we did! We found a great place managed by a sweet woman that's only a little bit away from where we were previously. We got our application approved and had our move-in date set. The only issue date was that our move-in date was also the last day of our lease at our old place. 

When you have too many little knick knacky "where do these go" things

 Moving day was a bit of a struggle, I won't lie. More people were supposed to help, but things came up for them - which I understand. But there was only so much only my husband and I could do by ourselves. Because we had both been working, our packing wasn't even 100% done. I was actually supposed to work the day of our move, but my boss let me take the day off (like, without me even asking for it off. I can't believe how nice that was.). It was a pretty stressful day, but we got it all done (with help from friends of course)!

New place and many boxes

Unpacking has been a little slow going for the same reason packing was such a chore, work. But except for a few of my little things and our posters and pictures and such, we're all nice and settled in. Thus place is a whole lot bigger then our old one and we even have a little kitchen bar! Of course we're still aiming to get a nice in a year or two, once we've saved enough, but for now this place is lovely.

Horus got acclimated very quickly.

As for my job, it's pretty good. As I said above, once I said I was moving my boss told me to go ahead and take that day off. Everyone's very nice there and it's a pretty easy job. The only issue I have right now is a new development for me, haha. When I worked at a fulfillment center, I stood in the same spot for ten hours a day. My sciatic nerve pain was so horrible I actually had to leave after a month (and I liked that job, so I was very upset) even after going to doctors and getting medicine to help manage the pain. I'm on my feet all day at this job as well, and I was a little worried the same issue might happen. It did hurt there for a few days, but now I don't have a lot of sciatic nerve pain. However, my feet. I have never felt foot pain like what I do now, not even when I worked at the fulfillment center and weighed more then I do now and stood for longer hours. It started out being pain in the center, along the tendon, but now it's my heels and it gets worse at night to the point it wakes me up. I'm sure me saying "my feet hurts" sounds like a childish complaint, but to me it felt like something was wrong. I've looked it up and it might be plantar fasciitis. I'm doing daily stretches and taking lots of medicine, and I bought more heel-supportive insoles. I guess I'm managing the pain better, but I can't really say if it's getting any better. That said, if my feet hurting are the worst I have to deal with, that's pretty good.

Unfortunately, still getting acclimated to my job's hours and being tired all the time means I don't have too much free time to draw, write, play games, etc. I know this will change as time goes on, but for now it's a little frustrating to not be able to draw all the time. But! Last night my husband and I were able to go out with friends to the drive-in theater! We saw Suicide Squad and Lights Out...well, I slept through Lights Out. But it was still fun to be somewhere new and socialize.

I'd like to do a favorites post soon with all the things I've been liking recently. I've been trying to do as much as I can with my free time! What do you do when you have free time?

Today I am 26

Hello! It’s my birthday! We came back from our Disney World honeymoon yesterday and it was wonderful! …but I’m quite sick now, haha. I’ll definitely be vlogging about my trip and such later this week, but for now I’ll just be writing a bit about last year and what I would like for the future. 

When I turned 25, I said, “I have been alive for a quarter of a century and I want to really live my life now.” Or something to that effect. And now, my 25th year is through and I don’t have much to show for it. A little more then last year, but not that much progress, I guess. If you have read other entries in my blog, you might realize that in the past few years, this has become a common theme. I make plans and say I want to change myself, and then I don’t, and I feel sad.

I think I really haven’t known myself lately. I know me from the past, and I know the me I want to be, but I don’t focus on the me in the present at all. It’s always “what can I do to become X” or “how can I get back to Y.” I feel that I know who I am now, though. I am told I am impatient, that I worry too much, that I talk badly about myself too much, and I reply, “I know.” I undertand that I am depressed, that I am overweight, that I am not where I want to be. But I guess I kind of…look past it. There is a straight line between past me and the me I want to be, but when I put my current self into the equation, it gets messed up and I’m like, “what went wrong? how can I now get to where I want to be?” I don’t accept who I am now, I see it as something went wrong and it’s bad and now I need to fix it.

Of course, that’s not to say I shouldn’t want to change and improve. Even if I were living my “dream life” I would still want to better myself. But I shouldn’t see myself as I am now as “bad” or “wrong” just because I went off the path I vaguely had planned. I am here, and I have to accept that, and make a plan from where I am now, not from where I was. 

I am 26 now. I say this every birthday, but I want to make this year the best year of my life and make lots of steps towards something great. These are the things I would like to work towards this year:

HAPPINESS. Overall, this is most important. I feel like I have been a bit better with stopping negative self talk and removing myself from upsetting people or things, but of course I have a long way to go.

MONEY. We are moving in about a month to another apartment. We’re going to stay there for about a year, and while we’re there we’ll be saving for a house~! So I need to find a good job so I can save up! But, I also need to find a job with a schedule that will cooperate with…

CAREER. While I want comics to be the thing I do in life, I undertand that this could just be a hobby forever, and not a source of income, and that’s fine. But I’d like to have a specific field or specialty that I can work in for sure. When trying to figure out what to do in life, many people say you should look at what you wanted to be as a child. I wanted to be a Sailor Senshi, so tht doesn’t really work. But another thing was…something medical. Not a doctor or nurse, but something more behind the scenes. My parents have both worked in many medical settings, and when I was little my favorite thing was going to my mom’s work before school, where she worked as a pharmacy tech in a hospital. So, I’ve decided that’s what I would like to aim for! I’m not sure exactly when this will start, it depends on the school I’ll be getting my certificate from. But, I am excited!!

ART. I feel like lately I have been drawing more then I had been (which was very little), so I am happy. But I’m still not confident enough to post most of it online anymore, and I feel I’ve been very stagnant in my improvement. Lately I’ve been forcing myself to practice drawing things I wouldn’t normally draw or styles I don’t feel comfortable drawing in and I think it’s been helping! I’d love to keep it up!

HEALTH. I feel like now more then ever I am very ready to make changes and stick to them. This includes eating much better and controlling my portions, and being active much more often. This time around, I would like to enjoy the journey, instead of focusing on a goal I have not yet achieved.

DO MORE. I guess this is the “etc.” category. I would like to be more social, online and off. Do more vlogs and blogs. Watch more movies and shows. Play more games. And so on. I would like to feel like I have done things. 

And, I suppose that’s it! I’m sure I will think of more things, but these are what come to mind first. I can’t wait to see what this year of my life brings! 

May Updates!

We took a walk the other day~

Hey! Hi! Hello! Let’s try this blogging thing again-again! I guess instead of a long written out thing I just have some bullet points for now.

I have been married for over a month now. Um…nothing new to report there, I guess! Our wedding and reception were very nice and fun! But aside from that, nothing has really changed since we had already been living together, haha. But of course, we are happy.

We also went to our local Jazz Fest!

In a week, we are going on our honeymoon to Walt Disney World! I love Disney World so much but I guess I don’t show it very often, or I don’t really have the chance to. This is the first time I’ll be on a plane without my parents, and the first time my husband and I will be on a trip alone (well, as alone as one can get at Disney). Surprisingly, this makes me feel more like an adult then paying taxes or anything like that.

After we get back, I turn 26! Ah! 26 sounds older. Not older like, you know….older…but, older as in, definitely not a teen or young adult. Just adult. Since my birthday is literally right after we get back, I don’t have any plans aside from eating with my dad. But that’s nice too!

An adult.

A bit after that, we are moving. The apartment complex we live at now was wonderful at first, but now they don’t care about the people who live here at all. I cannot rant about how frustrating this is enough, so expect a blog or video about this in a month or so, haha. We’re not moving anywhere special, just another apartment. But we’re planning to only stay there a year, and while we are staying there we will be saving up money so we can move into an actual house~!

And that is what I have in my future for the next few months. I have some bigger goals I would like to dive into in this year, but I need to figure out the steps I need to take to get there. I’ll probably talk about these in one of the next upcoming posts. 

Until then, here is a vlog I made recently about my favorite things in the month of April!

Have a nice day~!

What's New?

Hello from the Yoshi family~

I think I want to blog again so that's what I'm going to do! But it's been six months! Some things have changed. So I think it's time for a reintroduction. 

My name is Bunny and I'll be 26 in two months. In less than a month I'll be getting married to my best friend. We live in a small apartment with the cutest cat ever. I'm not sure exactly what I do with life, but I know I want it to be something creative, probably comics? I want to tell stories and have them reach people. I also really love helping people. Right now my future is a little uncertain, but that's okay!

For many a year I have felt limited in what I can do because of my depression, anxiety, and general fears of failure and such. I'm really sick of that, so I am trying to overcome that. And I think it might slowly be working!

On this blog, I am going to be sharing reviews about pretty much anything and just talking about things in my life that I like and want to share, whether that be fashion, makeup, video games, comics, etc.!

I am going to try and also use this blog as the center point for some things I would like to do - dances posted on my parapara channel, I want to experiment with a podcast because it seems like fun, any art or comic thing I do, and the very rare video.

A few things I am not going to talk about on here that I used to - lolita fashion (I love it to death but I;ve accepted that I don't think I'll be wearing it again), and most things related to mental health/weight loss/self help (because while these are things I like and things I want to help other people with, I I don't feel I am at the point to be able to be helping others). 

Some things that have changed or not changed since my last entry that I had been talking about: I haven't cut or dyed my hair in a long time, I am not going back to school just yet (I'm still not sure what I'd like to do), I really don't feel like making videos much anymore and that's ok (except parapara videos), I really feel like doing a whole bunch at once lately.

So, hello if you're an older reader, or hello if you're new! See you soon~

San Francisco, My Future, and the Blog's Future

So it's been...a while, hasn't it! In all honesty, I was planning to stop using this blog and just make YouYube videos instead. But now, I'm not so sure anymore. I don't feel like making videos and updating my channel anymore, suddenly. I don't really know what I want to do. I'm not even sure if I want to use this blog anymore. I guess I'm going through a Melty Bunny identity crisis! I do have a vlog coming up tomorrow, though.

Enough about that, however! The past is the past and the present is a little uncertain but that's okay.

Last weekend, I was fortunate enough to take a trip to San Francisco with my mom! I've been before and I loved it, and this time we went as part of a tour group so we got to see and do a lot of things we didn't the first time.

One of these things was going to Lucasfilm! From a tourist-y view, maybe going to Lucasfilm wasn't the most exciting thing, as we didn't really do that much. But for me personally...Lucasfilm kind of did something to me. One of the things we did there was watch (in the same theater where the dailies are watched!) a reel of what Lucasfilm, Skywalker Sound, and ILM really does. And it made me remember my time majoring in digital animation. Around this time was when my depression and anxiety really spiked and I was never able to finish the program and graduate. Because of the difficulty I had at that time and because so much time had passed since taking those classes, I just figured I'd never finish with that degree. But sitting in that building, in that theater, watching some of the things that ILM does...it really got me missing digital animation and creating.

And so, I decided that in Fall 2016, I'm going to go back to school to finish my degree in digital animation! I'm super excited!

Another thing going on in my future is...my wedding! While on the plane to San Fran, I asked my mom if...instead of paying for the wedding/reception, she and my dad could pay for my honeymoon! We planned on having a small, small wedding and focus more on the reception, anyways, but when it came to the honeymoon, it was something we figured we may not be able to do for a while because of financial reasons. BUT! After about a week, my parents said YES! And where did we (well...moreso me, haha) want to go? Disney World, of course!! So in Spring, we'll be getting married and going on a fun trip! I can't wait!

What else is new? Not much. I'm searching for a job because I want to save up for a new desktop and some other things. I'm going to start a new workout routine tomorrow, and I also have an interview! We're probably going to be moving in a month or so to a larger apartment in our complex, so that's exciting. I miiiight start seriously working on beginning my webcomic soon.

I might start using this blog regularly again, I'm not very sure. I'd like to have an outlet and either make videos and/or post vlogs, but I guess I'm not really feeling it right now.

Whatever happens, thanks for reading~!

The Past Month - Colossalcon and Such

I started my last post with pictures of my plushies, didn't I? Oops! Plushies are cute and the pink one relates to this post very slightly, anyways.

So, I haven't written here in a month, and I'll get to that in a bit. Excuses, excuses. I also have to talk about my first ever Colossalcon!

It was definitely the most fun I've had at a convention in...ages. I don't know how long since I've enjoyed myself at a convention that much. It helped that I was with good friends and the con was executed very very nicely, but it probably didn't hurt that I only knew three other people besides the group I was with!

Colossalcon is held at a convention center that has a joined hotel that has a huge waterpark in it! I can't swim, so I've never really been to a waterpark. I was a bit scared by the irrational thought of drowning or getting water in my eyes (okay, the latter was not so irrational), but I went and...really loved it! I also feel like I got over another fear by going in front of all those people in a swimsuit, haha. I didn't do too much the few times I was there; I wasn't brave enough to go down any waterslide. But I did go down the lazy river and really loved the wave pool. 

As for the actual convention, it was great as well! It was really spread out in the convention center, which meant it was never too crowded in the halls. I didn't go to too many panels for one reason or another, but the ones I went to were nice, and there were a lot I did want to go to, or thought they looked really cool or fresh. 

I guess my only complaint about the convention was how small the artist alley was. The artists they did have were all great, and I'll post a picture of what I got below, but there weren't very many. The dealer room was very great and well organized, but they didn't really have a video game booth.

At the dealer room, I got (because I don't have a picture) a Gokai Pink little blindbox, a Battle Japan Gokai Key, a really inexpensive Idolm@ster shirt, and got my pink squeaky sheepy in an Amiibo trade! I didn't buy too much in the actual dealer room because I didn't have too much money to spare and I wanted more handmade things from the artist alley instead. I did almost blow $40 on a Decade figure, but it wasn't the basic Figuarts, it was something more advanced. They also had a Riderman Figuarts, but he was expensive, too. I think I do want to start getting figures again though. 

From the artist alley, I got two doujins, some stickers, a JoJo pin, a Sailor Moon zine, a Chibi Moon print for my friend, some Kamen Rider pins and print, and a small Pokemon bath bomb that had a Squirtle charm in the middle!

Unfortunately, my allergies started acting up really early on in the con, and because someone we were driving had gotten sick, me and my fiance got sick as well, me more then him. I'm all better now, but it was pretty bad.

Lately, I've been occupying my time with Splatoon! I wasn't too sure of it when it was first announced, and then seeing my fiance play it so much got me obsessed! I've been drawing squidkids nonstop, they're so cute!! Callie and Marie are the cutest, and so are Annie and Spyke, and just all the squidkids in general... oh yes, the game itself is very fun, too! I'm actually okay at it, with the roller anyways.

I also broke my promise and dyed my hair! I don't really regret it, and it looks pretty cool, I think.

So since I've gotten back, I haven't been too well. My depression and anxiety have been really loud in my head and I felt like I haven't really been able to do much. I'm trying to work through it the best I can, which is going so so. I think I'm going to start searching for another therapist. I think talking to someone who's not in my life and who has a more clinical perspective might be helpful; it was in the past.

I'm trying to accept my limitations, and accept who I am now, the latter of which is proving to be very hard. As always, I struggle with my weight, and I am working to change it, but I want to accept me now as well. I have to accept this is my body now and yes, it can be changed, but this is who I am now. I need to get over the fact that certain things cause me to panic and that is okay and my feelings are valid. And I need to find something that will calm me down when I do freak out.

But, I am feeling better then I have been in a while, so I feel like I can do some things again. Cleaning the apartment really, really helped, because my mind feels more clear, now. No promises, but I am going to aim to post one blog post and one video a week! Wish me luck!

I hope you guys are having a good start to your week~!

I'm 25! This Year's Goals~

Hello! It's been a while, again, hasn't it? I really have no excuse, hehe... ^_^; This is going to be another more personal entry, too, instead of something more structured and professional. But those sorts of entries will be returning next week!

Today, I'll be talking about what my goals are for this year of my life and my plans for the near future!

Well, I dyed my hair! I know I said that I wasn't going to for a whole year but...that was a silly promise. My hair did grow out a bit longer in the few months I didn't do anything to my hair, but I love being colorful! That was my present to myself, along with some clothes I'll be hauling on my vlog soon!

A few days before my birthday, my parents took me and my fiance out to one of my favorite restaurants for dinner. They gave me my present, which was what I had asked for - clothes money! More clothes to haul in a future video! I also used a bit of it to buy a few bath bombs from Lush!

On my actual birthday, I didn't really do anything at all. I was going to hang out with her bestie, but she had important stuff going on, and my fiance had to work all day. But we at least got burgers :P

This is a cover from a sketchbook I'd like to either do a blog or vlog showing~

So, what did I wish for? To be happy. To change myself. I feel like the whole metamorphosis thing I've been posting about really does describe me better then I thought. When a caterpillar goes into its warm and safe cocoon, it turns into goo, pretty much. And that's how I feel. I am surrounded by love and safety, and I feel like weak, useless goo. But I have the potential to become a big, strong, beautiful butterfly. And I will.

I'm going to Colossalcon this week (which I'll talk about in a bit), but when I return, I'm going to go hard. Eating extremely healthy, working out almost every day. Not just where my health is concerned - I'll also be working hard on comics, prints, stickers, et cetera. And I'm going to do these things because they are good for me and they make me happy. 

As I said, I'll be attending Colossalcon this weekend! Not only is it the farthest I've gone for a convention, but it'll be the biggest one I've ever been to! I'll try to take lots of pictures!

After that, I'll be making some posts on here such as monthly favorites, a review of my friend's Etsy shop, and more! I hope you're looking forward to it!

New Favorite Video Game + New Job

I haven't written in a bit, but I've been busy! At least, the past few days I have been!

My birthday is coming up on the 28th! And then not even a week after that, my fiance, some friends, and myself will be off to Ohio for Colosalcon! It'll be the first time any of us have ever been, and it's the biggest convention I'll have ever been to!

I'm not sure how much stuff I'll be able to buy, however, because I have quite a few new penpals and package buddies! But I enjoy giving gifts to friends. Of course, most, if not all, of my leftover money will probably be spent in Colosalcon's Artist Alley!

Lately I've been obsessing over a new (to me) game - Harvest Moon GBC! I've always wanted to get i to the Harvest Moon games and tried with many different versions, but always found them really boring. But the other day, I just really really wanted to play one and truly get into it. So, I restarted the GBC game I had bought in the eshop ages ago...and finally, something clicked, and I'm really into it! However, with this game, you can't really interact with anyone but the shopkeepers and there's not really anything to do besides the main task of taking care of the farm. I'd like to play a newer version where you can do more, so my friends said she'd lend me A New Beginning! I can't wait!

Lastly, I have a new job! I'm working retail again, which is okay. It's just a lot to get used to at once! The registers are so much different then the previous place I worked at, as is the clientele. 

Because of this, I haven't really had time to do much for myself and I haven't really felt like myself. I was even supposed to be off today but had to go in! Hopefully I can pick myself up and do some things for myself soon.

I hope you all are having a good day~

Love Yourself NOW! + OOTD

So if you've read some of my past entries, you know that I've struggled with loving myself, my body, and just general self positivity. I knew I wanted to lose weight, and I knew I would be happier at a smaller size, but I didn't want to wait until I was at that smaller size to start loving myself! That's no way to live. I've struggled and tried to like my body, and suddenly, today...I did.

This is me, a size 18, with a tummy, wearing a crop top and high waisted skirt. This is me holding up my arm, which is not thin. This is me showing skin. This is me, with all my faults and flaws...actually thinking that I am still cute.

I don't know why it started, honestly. There was no distinct trigger that set these feelings in motion. This morning I just woke up, put on what you see, and I, for the first time in maybe EVER, felt 100% comfortable in my skin. I still want to lose weight and get in shape, of course. But now, in my "before" state, I like my body. Wow.

I may not be plus size forever. I don't intend to be. But while I am, I hope to use my confidence and such to help others feel the same way I feel. Whether you're 90 lbs or 500 lbs, you deserve to LOVE YOURSELF!

Unfortunately, I can't give too many too many tips on how to love yourself, seeing as it just seemingly suddenly happened to me. Care for yourself. Put on the lotions, the balms, the serums. Make your baths extra long and add in some nice scented candles. Look at yourself and know that this you is the only you that you have. It's okay to change your body, but your body now is still yours.

If you ever need to talk, I am here~ I hope that you're having a wonderful day and you have love for yourself!!

My Week + April Favorites Video!!

Shot from an OOTD video I filmed~

So I decided to do kind of an Instagram roundup/my week type post! I'm also trying to find the balance between making blog and vlog posts. It seems like when I make lots of one, I neglect making any of the other. I'm going to try getting myself on an actual schedule for making blog posts and videos. For now, I'm going to get back into the blogging swing of things with a simple post, but my next post is going to be my internet purchases post!

Here's a preview of said post - my amazing smiley bag from Aliexpress! I can't wait to take lots of pictures of it and talk all about how amazing it is!!

So this week I've had lots and lots and lots of migraines, practically back to back. I think it's just seasonal allergy type migraines, but I've never experienced this before. However, I've wanted to get dressed up and film a lot this week, so I have! My bestie bought a few things for me, and I wanted to show them off! Also, I've loved playing with my hair; it's finally at the length where I can DO things with it again! 

As I said, I want to find a balance between blogging and vlogging, but I'm really, really into vlogging right now. I don't know why, I've just been having so much fun and getting some very nice comments, and I've also been finding some really nice people to follow (mostly plus size vloggers)!

When I haven't been vlogging or laying down trying to alleviate my headaches, I've been playing loads of Animal Crossing New Leaf! I've been earning loads and loads of bells to get Gracie's Princess series of furniture, as well as her nice clothing items! When I'm not playing Animal Crossing, I'm also playing Pokemon Rumble and Pokemon Shuffle! 

I've also discovered how amazing Tsum Tsum is - both the actual plushies and the app! I love playing the game so much, it's much too addicting, and it's only making me realize how cute everyone is and I want to buy them all! 

I guess mostly, though, I've been just trying to unwind and hope that I feel better. I have a lot of things I want/need to get to and not being able to look at light/stand noises isn't very productive. I feel like I'm being lazy! I took a long bath with a candle and bath fizzy the other night to try and feel better and I think it really helped! I did have to skip out on something today because of the migraines, but I feel like they're coming less frequently.

And today, I also felt just really...body lovin'. Like, I actually LIKED my body. I've always had problems liking my body, especially my areas that carry the most weight, but today I actually felt allover cute! I know that liking and loving yourself can be hard, but it's a wonderful feeling to have, even if it's fleeting. I hope that you give yourself a hug and a smile today, okay?

Lastly, here's my April Favorites video! I hope you enjoy, and have a great day!!

Fitness Update//Future Purchases

Get the Starbucks birthday cake frappuccino for the next few days only! It's so yummy!

Hello everyone~! The past few days have been very mentally exhausting for me, but not in all bad ways. 

To update on my entry where I said I was going to tackle my eating habits and starting working out - I have lost weight! How much exactly? I'm, um, not sure. Weight normally fluctuates from day to day, and even in the same day. But my weight is fluctuating 15+ pounds, which is odd! Oh well. At least something is happening!

So I was talking with a friend and we've decided to work out at the gym together! She's actually going to pay to get herself a premium membership so she has a guest pass; I'm so overwhelmed by her kindness! Gotta keep filling out those job applications so I can help pay! But, I'm very excited to go to a real gym again, and regularly. What's going to be interesting is that she works night shift, so we're going to be working out pretty early in the morning. I'm excited and a little nervous!!

Also, I've been doing a good bit of art lately.

It looks like I'm going to be spending part of my tax refund on the New 3DS XL. My 3DS XL isn't broken...quite. I notice hat occasionally the bottom screen's brightness will flicker slightly, and sometimes when it's closed, it thinks it's open, which isn't good. So I guess I'll be getting a new one! I'll probably get black so I can paint glitter over it.

I'm also aybe going to be getting some of the YRU platform high-top shoes in black because I found them on sale. I love platform shoes! I haven't really had any proper ones since high school. My best friend actually has these and let me try hers on and they're super comfortable!

One thing for sure I'm going to spending money on is sending a package to my best friend in the UK!

But, as I discovered after I began writing this, my money is going to come in before I attend MTAC, my local anime convention, next weekend! I've been reasoning with myself to not spend all of my money on ridiculous things, so if I do spend money there, it will probably mostly be in the artist alley, or if I happen to see a cute Chikorita!

I'm going to be dressing up both days I'm attending, so hopefully I can do a quick ootd post? I'm twinning with my best friend the first day!

I hope you all are having a great day~!

Metamorphosis Part II

This is my OOTD, by the way~

It's been a while, again. Gosh I'm bad at this updating regularly thing! Any way, this post is another personal talky post, so I'm sorry if you don't like that sort of thing ;c

In my last entry, I talked about the things I had and had not accomplished in 2014, and what I hoped to do in the future. Sounds good, right? ...well, it would be if I actually DID something.

My depression and anxiety have been pretty steadily bad since then. I haven't done much of anything. And that's not a fun way to live. I've been very frustrated at myself for weeks and keep aiming to change my ways. But I haven't DONE ANYTHING. I've made lists. I've practiced self care to ease the voices of my mental illnesses. But sometimes, the best self care is kicking yourself out of bed and doing things. And that's what I've decided to do - and have been for the past three days.

I think the catalyst to propel me forward in this is a realization. For almost four years, I've been gaining weight pretty quickly, and it's to the point that it's not only affecting me mentally but harming my physically. I've tried dieting, working out, even starving myself. Yet for some odd reason it never really made a big impact. I even had a thyroid test done, but that wasn't the issue. And then a few days ago, browsing through healthy progress blogs on tumblr, I realize...oh, I have a huge problem with binge eating, don't I? 

And I do. I don't want to think that I have a problem, but I do. I haven't yet discovered what my "triggers" are but I'm working on it. I think it was a little hard to admit because I feel like I have so little control on my life as is, I thought maybe I had control of the thing you need to do every day to stay alive. But there's nothing wrong with having a problem as long as you realize it and try to work on it. 

So, three days ago, I decided to shift my life. It was time to change. Not just my poor eating, but everything. And so far, so good! I've been tracking what I eat more closely, eating slowly, and listening to my body. I've applied for at least ten jobs so far. I haven't really put out any art but I've at least been sketching every day. I've remembered to take my meds and do other healthy little things. I haven't started working out yet because my sleep has been so poor and all over the place, but hopefully Thursday I can start. I also haven't started doing my mass cleaning/getting rid of things project for the same reason, but I'm excited (albeit a bit overwhelmed) to start this! I've also planned to do a lot more and a lot better job of saving money. 

So that's what's been going on. I haven't really "accomplished" much yet, but already I just feel so much better and happier. Hope you all are doing well and are happy and doing what you want!

How I feel about lolita...?

When I was first introduced to lolita fashion, when I was in high school, I was really into the gothic and elegant look of it. Of course, I was into general gothic fashion as well at the time. I got my first coordinates from Bodyline when I was just starting college - one was a black, white, and purple set that wasn't necessarily bad, and the other set was this awful gothic batty wa-lolita getup that didn't even fit me right.

Somewhere along the road, I decided I didn't like gothic as much, and that I really loved all things sweet and fluffy. All of my pieces since then have been either very sweet or bittersweet, and I haven't looked back. Gothic lolita just reminds me too much of when I was younger and inexperienced, and I feel like I can't be as creative in it. But sweet? Pile on the hairclips and pin on the bows!

But lately, I haven't really felt that lolita kick inside of me. This time last year I was dressing up just to dress up and every penny I earned went towards new dresses. Now, I've sold most of my wardrobe and only wear it if there's a special occasion or if my bestie asks me to. I still love looking at the coordinates that others post online, and I love to draw and create coordinates, but actually wearing it...doesn't really appeal to me right now.

Why? Is it the dresses I have? I've been told by many that I would really suit classic, and I am starting to like the more ornate classic designs. I still like sweet, but I think I like more toned down sweet, like AP's dressed without prints, or more subtle prints (like the Cosmic series).  Maybe it's just because I haven't had any new additions to my wardrobe recently. Maybe I need to clear out what few dresses I have left and start over from scratch. Or maybe I just need another dream dress to hunt after and covet.

Maybe the drama has finally gotten to me? I have never directly inserted myself into lolita drama, but a few people have pulled me into it or tried to start it. I don't really care...but I don't know, seeing others so affected by it...Or maybe it's that there's really been no "event" for me to wear it to, lately. I've had to keep skipping out on cons because of money, and the local comm has been dead. I know I can always wear it on my own, but I just haven't felt like it, plus the weather is only now dropping out of the 90s...

I was thinking last night, maybe I should "quit" and just sell everything, even my dream dress. But would I regret it? Yes, probably. I always thought it was silly that people thought they were too old for lolita. I imagined wearing it all my life. But now that I'm a little older...maybe I am outgrowing it? Or maybe I do need to switch to classic. I don't think I'll be wearing it all my life, that's for sure!

I just wanted to write down my thoughts on the matter.

When do you think you'll stop wearing your favorite fashion trend?

Life Update: Three OOTDs, Zines, and Etc.

I haven't posted in ages, have I? -_- There's quite a few reasons for that, which I'll talk about later. Firstly, let's talk outfits!

About a month (yeesh, a whole month) ago, me and my bestie decided to get dolled up in lolita and just hang out around the local college campus. Miraiina is actually pretty new to lolita, and this was her first time going out in it! It's something that can be very scary, but she said that having me with her helped, so yay. We really didn't do much, but we did film an OOTD video, which, when it's uploaded, will be linked to HERE. Below are both of our outfits!!

Miraiina's look~!

OP: Bodyline

Socks: Bodyline

Shoes: Bodyline

Purse: Loris...?

Accessories: Many Etsy stores!

Pink & White Delight

JSK: Bodyline

Bolero: Off-brand (Target?)

Socks: Off-brand

Shoes: Bodyline

Purse: Loris

Wig: L-email

Accessories: AP, factoffrills, Etsy, off-brand

My second OOTD came maybe three weeks or so ago? Pretty much, I wanted to dress up, and I wanted to be PINK. Me and Miraiina got matching pink jelly shoes, and I've been wearing them pretty much any excuse I get. Now, I want to say something about this outfit. I'm plus sized. I have fat on me. I jiggle. So I was kind of self conscious wearing these shorts, but I wanted to because I hadn't all summer. And you know what, I felt cute in them. So wear what you want, guys and gals :)

Unfortunately this is the best and only shot I got x_x 

Top: Walt Disney World

Shorts: WalMart

Shoes: A'gaci (Brand is Bamboo)

For the third OOTD, I'm really feeling fall. Fall brings out my inner goth, so I like to wear dark clothes and such. I had a lot of fun with this outfit, and honestly I felt wonderful. I did an OOTD video for this look, which can be found HERE. While I did get a lot of head shots (ahem, selfies) from this outfit, I didn't really get any full body pictures, so I had to take a screencap from the video XD 

I'm going to keep calling it Nu Goth because I can XD

Hat: Forever 21

Dress: Forever 21

Shoes: UNIF

Glasses: Vintage (from my fiance's parent's storage unit!!)

I've been kind of in a rut, lately. I won't really get into it, but I just haven't been very happy lately. I have some things I need to do, but I just can't find the energy to do it, and I end up sleeping through most of the day. Not very fun.

I have discovered a new show which everyone else has already discovered before me - Orange is the New Black! Wowwww this show is so, so good. From the first five minutes, I could tell that it was brilliantly written. I intended to watch it just to have on in the background while I do other things, but I literally cannot look away while it's on! I wholly recommend it! (If you are of the appropriate age, of course ^^)

Something else I've done which hasn't made me sad is CREATE ZINES. I've been in a creative/destructive mood and zines are the perfect outlet for that because they are so open format and can be whatever you want them to be. Like, thinking about them makes my brain tingly (in a good way, of course) and makes me feel like I can do anything. I'll be putting them up on Etsy once I have some printed. I'm planning on making a few different ones right now, but I'm sure I'll end up making loads of different ones *3* I'm going to a used bookstore tomorrow to find some books and magazines to cut up.

Also, I've been oddly comforted by pictures of plants, lately. Plants, fog, and water. Let me show you one of my favorites!!

Daisies! Water! Vintage filter!

Finally writing this, I feel a lot better. I've had this blog page open for about a week and a half, trying to finally write everything up and post it. I've just been so depressed, but hopefully I'll break through it soon. I'm going to edit a vlog I filmed today and watch more OITNB and draw some alien girls or something. I hope you all are having a wonderful day!!