Saturday, May 28, 2016

Today I am 26

Hello! It’s my birthday! We came back from our Disney World honeymoon yesterday and it was wonderful! …but I’m quite sick now, haha. I’ll definitely be vlogging about my trip and such later this week, but for now I’ll just be writing a bit about last year and what I would like for the future. 

When I turned 25, I said, “I have been alive for a quarter of a century and I want to really live my life now.” Or something to that effect. And now, my 25th year is through and I don’t have much to show for it. A little more then last year, but not that much progress, I guess. If you have read other entries in my blog, you might realize that in the past few years, this has become a common theme. I make plans and say I want to change myself, and then I don’t, and I feel sad.

I think I really haven’t known myself lately. I know me from the past, and I know the me I want to be, but I don’t focus on the me in the present at all. It’s always “what can I do to become X” or “how can I get back to Y.” I feel that I know who I am now, though. I am told I am impatient, that I worry too much, that I talk badly about myself too much, and I reply, “I know.” I undertand that I am depressed, that I am overweight, that I am not where I want to be. But I guess I kind of…look past it. There is a straight line between past me and the me I want to be, but when I put my current self into the equation, it gets messed up and I’m like, “what went wrong? how can I now get to where I want to be?” I don’t accept who I am now, I see it as something went wrong and it’s bad and now I need to fix it.

Of course, that’s not to say I shouldn’t want to change and improve. Even if I were living my “dream life” I would still want to better myself. But I shouldn’t see myself as I am now as “bad” or “wrong” just because I went off the path I vaguely had planned. I am here, and I have to accept that, and make a plan from where I am now, not from where I was. 

I am 26 now. I say this every birthday, but I want to make this year the best year of my life and make lots of steps towards something great. These are the things I would like to work towards this year:

HAPPINESS. Overall, this is most important. I feel like I have been a bit better with stopping negative self talk and removing myself from upsetting people or things, but of course I have a long way to go.

MONEY. We are moving in about a month to another apartment. We’re going to stay there for about a year, and while we’re there we’ll be saving for a house~! So I need to find a good job so I can save up! But, I also need to find a job with a schedule that will cooperate with…

CAREER. While I want comics to be the thing I do in life, I undertand that this could just be a hobby forever, and not a source of income, and that’s fine. But I’d like to have a specific field or specialty that I can work in for sure. When trying to figure out what to do in life, many people say you should look at what you wanted to be as a child. I wanted to be a Sailor Senshi, so tht doesn’t really work. But another thing was…something medical. Not a doctor or nurse, but something more behind the scenes. My parents have both worked in many medical settings, and when I was little my favorite thing was going to my mom’s work before school, where she worked as a pharmacy tech in a hospital. So, I’ve decided that’s what I would like to aim for! I’m not sure exactly when this will start, it depends on the school I’ll be getting my certificate from. But, I am excited!!

ART. I feel like lately I have been drawing more then I had been (which was very little), so I am happy. But I’m still not confident enough to post most of it online anymore, and I feel I’ve been very stagnant in my improvement. Lately I’ve been forcing myself to practice drawing things I wouldn’t normally draw or styles I don’t feel comfortable drawing in and I think it’s been helping! I’d love to keep it up!

HEALTH. I feel like now more then ever I am very ready to make changes and stick to them. This includes eating much better and controlling my portions, and being active much more often. This time around, I would like to enjoy the journey, instead of focusing on a goal I have not yet achieved.

DO MORE. I guess this is the “etc.” category. I would like to be more social, online and off. Do more vlogs and blogs. Watch more movies and shows. Play more games. And so on. I would like to feel like I have done things. 

And, I suppose that’s it! I’m sure I will think of more things, but these are what come to mind first. I can’t wait to see what this year of my life brings! 

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