Love Yourself NOW! + OOTD

So if you've read some of my past entries, you know that I've struggled with loving myself, my body, and just general self positivity. I knew I wanted to lose weight, and I knew I would be happier at a smaller size, but I didn't want to wait until I was at that smaller size to start loving myself! That's no way to live. I've struggled and tried to like my body, and suddenly, today...I did.

This is me, a size 18, with a tummy, wearing a crop top and high waisted skirt. This is me holding up my arm, which is not thin. This is me showing skin. This is me, with all my faults and flaws...actually thinking that I am still cute.

I don't know why it started, honestly. There was no distinct trigger that set these feelings in motion. This morning I just woke up, put on what you see, and I, for the first time in maybe EVER, felt 100% comfortable in my skin. I still want to lose weight and get in shape, of course. But now, in my "before" state, I like my body. Wow.

I may not be plus size forever. I don't intend to be. But while I am, I hope to use my confidence and such to help others feel the same way I feel. Whether you're 90 lbs or 500 lbs, you deserve to LOVE YOURSELF!

Unfortunately, I can't give too many too many tips on how to love yourself, seeing as it just seemingly suddenly happened to me. Care for yourself. Put on the lotions, the balms, the serums. Make your baths extra long and add in some nice scented candles. Look at yourself and know that this you is the only you that you have. It's okay to change your body, but your body now is still yours.

If you ever need to talk, I am here~ I hope that you're having a wonderful day and you have love for yourself!!

My Week + April Favorites Video!!

Shot from an OOTD video I filmed~

So I decided to do kind of an Instagram roundup/my week type post! I'm also trying to find the balance between making blog and vlog posts. It seems like when I make lots of one, I neglect making any of the other. I'm going to try getting myself on an actual schedule for making blog posts and videos. For now, I'm going to get back into the blogging swing of things with a simple post, but my next post is going to be my internet purchases post!

Here's a preview of said post - my amazing smiley bag from Aliexpress! I can't wait to take lots of pictures of it and talk all about how amazing it is!!

So this week I've had lots and lots and lots of migraines, practically back to back. I think it's just seasonal allergy type migraines, but I've never experienced this before. However, I've wanted to get dressed up and film a lot this week, so I have! My bestie bought a few things for me, and I wanted to show them off! Also, I've loved playing with my hair; it's finally at the length where I can DO things with it again! 

As I said, I want to find a balance between blogging and vlogging, but I'm really, really into vlogging right now. I don't know why, I've just been having so much fun and getting some very nice comments, and I've also been finding some really nice people to follow (mostly plus size vloggers)!

When I haven't been vlogging or laying down trying to alleviate my headaches, I've been playing loads of Animal Crossing New Leaf! I've been earning loads and loads of bells to get Gracie's Princess series of furniture, as well as her nice clothing items! When I'm not playing Animal Crossing, I'm also playing Pokemon Rumble and Pokemon Shuffle! 

I've also discovered how amazing Tsum Tsum is - both the actual plushies and the app! I love playing the game so much, it's much too addicting, and it's only making me realize how cute everyone is and I want to buy them all! 

I guess mostly, though, I've been just trying to unwind and hope that I feel better. I have a lot of things I want/need to get to and not being able to look at light/stand noises isn't very productive. I feel like I'm being lazy! I took a long bath with a candle and bath fizzy the other night to try and feel better and I think it really helped! I did have to skip out on something today because of the migraines, but I feel like they're coming less frequently.

And today, I also felt just really...body lovin'. Like, I actually LIKED my body. I've always had problems liking my body, especially my areas that carry the most weight, but today I actually felt allover cute! I know that liking and loving yourself can be hard, but it's a wonderful feeling to have, even if it's fleeting. I hope that you give yourself a hug and a smile today, okay?

Lastly, here's my April Favorites video! I hope you enjoy, and have a great day!!

Metamorphosis Part II

This is my OOTD, by the way~

It's been a while, again. Gosh I'm bad at this updating regularly thing! Any way, this post is another personal talky post, so I'm sorry if you don't like that sort of thing ;c

In my last entry, I talked about the things I had and had not accomplished in 2014, and what I hoped to do in the future. Sounds good, right? ...well, it would be if I actually DID something.

My depression and anxiety have been pretty steadily bad since then. I haven't done much of anything. And that's not a fun way to live. I've been very frustrated at myself for weeks and keep aiming to change my ways. But I haven't DONE ANYTHING. I've made lists. I've practiced self care to ease the voices of my mental illnesses. But sometimes, the best self care is kicking yourself out of bed and doing things. And that's what I've decided to do - and have been for the past three days.

I think the catalyst to propel me forward in this is a realization. For almost four years, I've been gaining weight pretty quickly, and it's to the point that it's not only affecting me mentally but harming my physically. I've tried dieting, working out, even starving myself. Yet for some odd reason it never really made a big impact. I even had a thyroid test done, but that wasn't the issue. And then a few days ago, browsing through healthy progress blogs on tumblr, I realize...oh, I have a huge problem with binge eating, don't I? 

And I do. I don't want to think that I have a problem, but I do. I haven't yet discovered what my "triggers" are but I'm working on it. I think it was a little hard to admit because I feel like I have so little control on my life as is, I thought maybe I had control of the thing you need to do every day to stay alive. But there's nothing wrong with having a problem as long as you realize it and try to work on it. 

So, three days ago, I decided to shift my life. It was time to change. Not just my poor eating, but everything. And so far, so good! I've been tracking what I eat more closely, eating slowly, and listening to my body. I've applied for at least ten jobs so far. I haven't really put out any art but I've at least been sketching every day. I've remembered to take my meds and do other healthy little things. I haven't started working out yet because my sleep has been so poor and all over the place, but hopefully Thursday I can start. I also haven't started doing my mass cleaning/getting rid of things project for the same reason, but I'm excited (albeit a bit overwhelmed) to start this! I've also planned to do a lot more and a lot better job of saving money. 

So that's what's been going on. I haven't really "accomplished" much yet, but already I just feel so much better and happier. Hope you all are doing well and are happy and doing what you want!

Life Update: Three OOTDs, Zines, and Etc.

I haven't posted in ages, have I? -_- There's quite a few reasons for that, which I'll talk about later. Firstly, let's talk outfits!

About a month (yeesh, a whole month) ago, me and my bestie decided to get dolled up in lolita and just hang out around the local college campus. Miraiina is actually pretty new to lolita, and this was her first time going out in it! It's something that can be very scary, but she said that having me with her helped, so yay. We really didn't do much, but we did film an OOTD video, which, when it's uploaded, will be linked to HERE. Below are both of our outfits!!

Miraiina's look~!

OP: Bodyline

Socks: Bodyline

Shoes: Bodyline

Purse: Loris...?

Accessories: Many Etsy stores!

Pink & White Delight

JSK: Bodyline

Bolero: Off-brand (Target?)

Socks: Off-brand

Shoes: Bodyline

Purse: Loris

Wig: L-email

Accessories: AP, factoffrills, Etsy, off-brand

My second OOTD came maybe three weeks or so ago? Pretty much, I wanted to dress up, and I wanted to be PINK. Me and Miraiina got matching pink jelly shoes, and I've been wearing them pretty much any excuse I get. Now, I want to say something about this outfit. I'm plus sized. I have fat on me. I jiggle. So I was kind of self conscious wearing these shorts, but I wanted to because I hadn't all summer. And you know what, I felt cute in them. So wear what you want, guys and gals :)

Unfortunately this is the best and only shot I got x_x 

Top: Walt Disney World

Shorts: WalMart

Shoes: A'gaci (Brand is Bamboo)

For the third OOTD, I'm really feeling fall. Fall brings out my inner goth, so I like to wear dark clothes and such. I had a lot of fun with this outfit, and honestly I felt wonderful. I did an OOTD video for this look, which can be found HERE. While I did get a lot of head shots (ahem, selfies) from this outfit, I didn't really get any full body pictures, so I had to take a screencap from the video XD 

I'm going to keep calling it Nu Goth because I can XD

Hat: Forever 21

Dress: Forever 21

Shoes: UNIF

Glasses: Vintage (from my fiance's parent's storage unit!!)

I've been kind of in a rut, lately. I won't really get into it, but I just haven't been very happy lately. I have some things I need to do, but I just can't find the energy to do it, and I end up sleeping through most of the day. Not very fun.

I have discovered a new show which everyone else has already discovered before me - Orange is the New Black! Wowwww this show is so, so good. From the first five minutes, I could tell that it was brilliantly written. I intended to watch it just to have on in the background while I do other things, but I literally cannot look away while it's on! I wholly recommend it! (If you are of the appropriate age, of course ^^)

Something else I've done which hasn't made me sad is CREATE ZINES. I've been in a creative/destructive mood and zines are the perfect outlet for that because they are so open format and can be whatever you want them to be. Like, thinking about them makes my brain tingly (in a good way, of course) and makes me feel like I can do anything. I'll be putting them up on Etsy once I have some printed. I'm planning on making a few different ones right now, but I'm sure I'll end up making loads of different ones *3* I'm going to a used bookstore tomorrow to find some books and magazines to cut up.

Also, I've been oddly comforted by pictures of plants, lately. Plants, fog, and water. Let me show you one of my favorites!!

Daisies! Water! Vintage filter!

Finally writing this, I feel a lot better. I've had this blog page open for about a week and a half, trying to finally write everything up and post it. I've just been so depressed, but hopefully I'll break through it soon. I'm going to edit a vlog I filmed today and watch more OITNB and draw some alien girls or something. I hope you all are having a wonderful day!!

OOTD: International Lolita Day - Summer 2014

Last Saturday was International Lolita Day! International Lolita Day happens once in the summer, and once in the winter. It's a celebration of the fashion that unifies us all.

I didn't do anything particularly special this ILD; I had invited two friends over but both said they probably couldn't make it. But  did want to celebrate and get dressed up - so did!

Pinky Paradise!

JSK, Shoes - Bodyline

Blouse - Thrifted

Socks - Offbrand

Wig - L-email

Accessories - Angelic Pretty, My Dearest Victoria, Offbrand

This is one of two new dresses that I received. I love it! It's so princess-y and chiffon-y. But it was so hot, and the wig didn't help, so I really just dressed up and then took it off. But then, one of my friends, Ashley, texted me and said she wanted to come over and get frilly! I got to dress up again, this time in my second new dress, a replica of Angelic Pretty's Milky Planet!

Dark in the Night

OP, bow - Oo Jia

Socks - Secret Shop

Shoes - Bodyline

Wig - MintyMix

Accessories -  Angelic Pretty, Offbrand

Ashley doesn't yet have any lolita clothes, so I got to play dress up with her! I dressed her in my Cinderella Bunny dress, pink bunny blouse, ankle socks, and Bodyline shoes!

Here is a picture of the two of us! Isn't she ADORABLE?

Although we really didn't do any lolita-esque things, it was fun to get dressed up! 

I hope you had a fun saturday as well!!